My Family Tree may be trimmed from time to time but that doesn't mean there aren't new branches to grow

I'm starting to realize and understand certain aspect of my life more and more. I used to think I had a handle on things but then I realized that this world is so dynamic that it's not about how well prepared you are, it's about how well you handle yourself in the moment. I've tried rationalizing others opinions in my head, why they do things, what drove them to it, and I finally had an epiphany... I don't care. They can think, feel and say all they want but it doesn't matter. I'm becoming indifferent to parts of what others say because I know the truth. I owned up to my mistakes and waited for the consequences. Nothing happened other than a few minor events that will pass through my memory before the years over. I know who truly belongs in my life and people come in and out of it for a reason.

My gram tells me from time to time that "family is forever, friends will come and go" I should've paid more attention than I had. I miss my family a lot and we've grown apart over the years. Drifting into our own places and doing our own things. I miss them a lot. Some of my best memories are with my family.

Gram and Gramp Skinner: they practically are my second set of parents. They've saved me more times than I can count, and they always remember to call. They taught me some of the greatest life lessons that I'll forever be indebted to them for. Their house is the only place in the world that I can truly feel at home. Not that other places aren't great but it's the one place I can feel in my soul that I belong and am welcome.

Gram and Grandpa Tate: From you I learned the simple parts of life that make things great, from picking raspberries to arrowheads. I miss making hot rolls, and spending weekends with Gram just watching TV together while she crocheted . To this day Grandpa is the only one to call me BC. I won't ever forget that, or the smell of their house in Evanston. I miss them both. I should probably call gram more often haha.

Mom and Dad: I love my parents. We've had some rocky times but I thank God, every chance I get, that they're still in my life. I have my mom's passion and creativity with my dad's intelligence and work ethic. They amaze me, in all that they've done and all that they've done for my family. I miss them all the time, especially my mom, I was always a momma's boy. I get to see them once in a while when I can but I wished that I could be closer to them and see them more often. I get to see them in less than 24 hours and I cannot wait!

Dillon: Oh what to say about Dillon... well... he may be stubborn and irritating from time to time but I love him. I'm proud of where he's gotten himself in his career path and all he's done with work. He's my big brother and I still feel like he's better than me haha I guess it's a sibling thing that won't go away. I miss our stupid jokes, and riding with g-pa. Back in the bonfire days. When it was just so easy and simple. You knew your place at that age.

Danielle: Oh you little turd. Haha I do love you even though we haven't gotten along since you were born. I miss having stupid fun with you on all of our trips and watching stupid movies together. haha. You've accomplished a lot through some really rough times and I'm so proud of you. Sometimes you do some things that make me shake my head but that doesn't mean I'm not proud. I love you.

Mel, Shane, Bridger, and Beeb: Haha oh geez, you Crittendens. I'm so thankful for the summer I spent with you. It was one of the greatest summers to date because I spent it with family and I had a chance to find more out about myself. I'll never forget Shane telling me to go for my dreams on New Years back when I was 16 or 17 that's stuck with me all through college, my dreams have shifted but I'm still going for them. I've always looked up to you Melanie. You've always amazed me and we've had some of the greatest times I can remember haha. I even miss you too Bridger and Brayden. You can be little turds but I like taking you to the pond and parks just like your mom used to do for me as a kid.

Cory, Kevan, Abbie, Owan: I don't get to see you guys very often and I'm hoping I can change that soon. But I do wish I could see more of you guys. I miss watching movies and talking to you Cory, I no longer have a scary movie partner to laugh at during the movies and rub the comb during the grudge ;) haha and Kevan you are always fun to be around haha. Prank calling me back in the day and playing Tekken with us. That is still the best game to date that I've ever played. Abbie and Owan you are some of the most creative and interesting kids I've met. Always into new hobbies and activities and you're always having fun. I admire that innocence.

Scott, Audrey, Kade, Mindy, Nat, Snoopy, Pepper, Emme: I miss spring breaks with you guys and going to Lake Powell. Those are some of the best times I remember on family vacations. Going all the way back to seeing the Hoover Dam and Reno for the family reunion/Great Gram Skinners birthday party. Kade and Nat you and I had some of the dumbest fun I can remember. Kade you and I would drive the whoopie and go to the mud pit, camp out, sing to the CD's in the car until 2am and watch Charmed until we couldn't stay up. Naaaaaaaaat!! I think you and I have seen enough scary movies to scar freddie kruger. Hopkins class, hunan, having gram call us out, chinese fire drills and taking the fourwheeler :) haha great great times. Mindy, we had a blast in high school and I had so much fun at your and Kade's wedding. I'm glad you're now apart of the family :)

now I know I've missed a lot but this is just off the top of my head I just want you all to know how much I appreciate you all :)

there are some other members o my family.

Kelsey, Lindsay, and the Brinkerhoffs: You guys are my oldest friends, we've made it though everything since I was 5. even the handcuff incident ;) haha from playing dinosaurs, chicken, barbies, in the mud at the park, the "frog ponds" and riding bikes we still talk like we never left each other. haha you are the funniest people I've ever met and I cannot stop laughing when I'm around you two. never a dull moment :) I love you guys.

Christina: You've been the greatest friend to me since I've met you. I miss our talks and you always know just what to say whether I want to hear it or not. From Karaoke to Concerts and Kathy Griffin I won't forget the time I spent with you. I love you so much you're my big sister! and PS we need to road trip it soon.

Uncle Pat, Aunt Jill, Ethan and Eli: You are the cutest family in the world, not to mention the best chaperones in the history of high school trips. Ever since the grand canyon you guys have always been my favorites! When you didn't even know Kade and I weren't in the car because we didn't bug the hell out of you and shove licorice in your ears. Hawaii was amazing... falling on turtles, Jill getting pissed, volleyball, coffee, and hiking through VOG. You guys are amazing and I've always thought of you as family even though I haven't seen you guys in about a year. Ethan and Eli are the cutest kids ever! and Ethan is so amazingly smart that I can't even believe it at times. You guys are the awesome Curries!

Mary and John: You guys have been so good to me over the years. Currie you made some high school bearable and took me on some of the most amazing trips that I will never forget. You were one of my best friends in high school and one of two teachers that I actually trusted. I loved being your TA for like.... 2.5 years haha. and taking your classes helped me out so much in college I appreciate everything you've done for me Currie. They always say that it takes one teacher to make or break your academic career. guess which one you were? ;) Love you C-Dawg! Hawaii soon? I think so

Jordyn!: Oh Jordyn, we've met one time for one day and you and I have pretty much talked non stop for a year now. You're so funny and amazing and I love you! I consider you family and one of y best friends even though we're so far apart we are still great friends. and I WILL beat you at scrabble one day...

if I didn't mention others it doesn't mean that I don't love you or consider you family these are just the ones that have been most on my mind and the ones i put into this entry.

Connecting the dots

Finding new connections is never easy, but it's going to be a process that many have to follow throughout their life. It's also a great opportunity that many don't take once they receive them. I've learned throughout MY life that you have to take every opportunity that you can, how else can you learn and grow unless you do something with your life that you may have not planned for. My parents always taught me to try everything even though you may not like it at first, I spent year doing things that I didn't think were fun or exciting but they shaped me and panned out in the end. They helped me out a lot now that I'm in college and now I realize that once again my time has come to figure things out again on my own. I've always done what I had to in order to protect myself. Now it's once again coming back to throw me into a pit of uncertainty. It's also when I'm at my best and most dedicated. So I'm taking this as a new sign of hope and reason. I grow, learn and become a great guy after all of these events.

http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/37PJ1x/www.marcandangel.com/2011/05/15/111-lessons-life-taught-us/

StumbleUpon

Feeling pretty inspirational and I'm loving this website on stumbleupon

http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/9tgT3F/www.fromupnorth.com/2010/10/inspiration-gallery-139-various-quotations/

if you got to www.stumbleupon.com and make a profile you'll find the most amazing assortment of websites that will blow your mind!

That's neither here nor there

I've always been told that I'm strong, or that "you're so strong, I don't know how you do it" when really it's just in my nature to try and move past things that would otherwise hold me back. I grew up fast, I've dealt with a lot and I've got so much more to experience in life. I'm still strong. The good traits that I picked up from my family have always taught me that things will be okay, and I can make it through anything. I've almost committed suicide, moved 12 times, had my heart broken, been beaten, had my friends step on me and kick me when I was down, testified in front of congress, cried myself to sleep and a world of other things happen to me. I'm still here, fighting for something I don't even have yet. :)

hahahaha I had to write this down. I've always thought that some people learn their lessons. Turns out they're so stupid that they don't. Once I Facebook stalk and see pictures and comments making fun of me and then I see pictures of people making a fool of themselves and saying the most immature, arrogant, stupid shit I laugh so hard it hurts. Lessons learned? Not even quite... which means that by the time they learn their lesson it'll be so late that they won't be able to salvage anything. So make your jokes toward me and my friends because you're a bigger joke than I'll ever be.

Kill or Be killed

You know... I'm not really sure what to write about anymore. I'm really confused about everything. But I think I'm supposed to. Let's start with dating. I thought I've always known what I wanted but I really think I've lost all idea of what I want. The fun part? I think it's better that way, why would we get what we want? Would we like it once we have it? Or would we even know it when see it? Would it even be at the "right" time? No, we don't know what we want, we don't get to pick and choose who we fall for can we? No, so I'm going to throw out the old check list. It's time for a new idea and some new perspective. Next is time. Everyone wants more time, time to fly, or doesn't want to wait for time. Time is seriously a relative measurement, no person is really going to have an accurate measurement of time. It's only the increments we put throughout the day that actually creates time. Why couldn't we change it? If we did what would happen to time? Who knows, but if things are worth it... then aren't they worth the wait? Yes. There's no real question about that.

Life: Life is interesting and it never works out like it's supposed to. It's a game of survival and you have to protect yourself in order to survive. I've protected myself and set things up to make sure that I'm okay. Sometimes my boundaries don't see everything coming and they get broken, but I can just as easily rebuild them. Others don't really have that great of an inner psyche. i'm not new to disaster, chaos and pure sorrow. I always come out of things fine in the end.

Thoughts: I've had a strange set of thoughts lately. It's nothing but an inner circle of my own thoughts playing with my head like crazy. I think sometimes it helps but not always.

I miss the connection I had with my friends. the closeness and protective rock that I thought I had. I unfortunately no longer have that and I have to rebuild my grounds so-to-speak. It's interesting to see who really stays in your life and puts up with your shit haha.

I know who those people are now, and I'm not letting them go... not if it kills me.

Healing

Sweet clarity, fills in the ecstasy of grief. Finally there's the beginning of relief and moments of peace of mind. I think that my heart is starting to heal and I'm starting to see that things are in fact different. Haha it's funny to think of how the things you think you want can be brought around in a new perspective. you just have to remind yourself that you know what you want and there are far greater things out there.

I have a big heart but it's still mine, and I only let certain people into it. So I have a long time to find the right person. Especially when my heart is healing

Taking a stand

There's a lot I've had to write about, and now none of it made it into text. I'm sitting at Meg's radio show, letting my mind run wild and I shouldn't. The one thing that leads to my own hurt is myself. My mind can run and race and I let it from time to time. But it's simple. I distract myself and I can make myself not pay attention. I haven't done this for a while because I haven't really needed to but now things are just necessary. I'm beginning to go numb at times and one of the greatest things is that I can sleep through the night, for the first in a very long time. That's something I wasn't expecting but I'm so thankful for. I'm also surrounded by caring, loving, understanding friends that I couldn't have asked for better treatment from. My heart still beats no matter the fact it's broken, I still breathe knowing that I breathe in broken shards, and my feet still walk no matter the fact that they've gone through enough in their lifetime.

I stand when it's not easy, talk when it hurts, and hold up others when I can barely hold myself up.

No MORE

I had a post typed up about how down I've been lately. Fuck that. I'm turning a new leaf and I'm going to bring happiness back into my life. No more sad lounging, no more depressiveness. I deserve a shred of decency and happiness. I'm going to find it in this shit hole of a town if it's the last thing I do. I've had a lot drained and taken from me. I'm going to take it back. Starting now. Emotions can only bother a person for so long. After that a person just can't care anymore. So this is me, no more mister sappy mope, no more wasting time thinking about things that only hurt me. It's time to focus on ME and get what I need to get the HELL OUT OF THIS PLACE! I have some options lining up and I can start focusing on them to get me out of here. I hope I can do it, I will do it.

My future is more important than my "friends" treating me like shit.

So here goes, a new chapter, a new perspective, a new dedication. To me.

How to sever ties

How to sever all ties? It's really quiet easy. Lately I've been forced to cut myself off from certain people and certain activities and I'm really glad that I am... it's a great step and transition for me to re-learn what I'm supposed to be doing and the path that I'm on or should be on. I may have stumbled and lost my footing but I'm right back in the game and I'm not stopping here. Things are starting to fall into place and go where they need to be. I'm so excited and ready to see where things take me. I'm so excited and nervous about the future. I know something is coming and I'm not sure what but I know it will change the nation, maybe even the world. Only time will tell what is to come and only God knows how the world will pan out. But I firmly believe that I'm going to have to be some part of this, and not only me but all others like me. The ones called for something greater than they know yet...

The Chosen Children of God.

In the end of days God will send his chosen children to Earth. It is in my firm conviction that we are sent here to change things for the better or lead the best into the afterlife. I may seem crazy and if you think so then you're more than welcome to but I know that there are things far greater than our little minds can hold and what's soon to be will shock most of us and we can only hope humanity has some goodness left in it to change things.

I'm not the perfect person when it comes to my emotions. Most of the time I can write them down or think through feelings in my head and they can go away. Sometimes they don't, lately I've been waiting for things to dissipate and clear the air. They haven't. I slowly feel better and I don't talk to a lot of people about these things because technically they can't help me. They can't fix things for me and I just seem like a downer all the time. For that I am sorry because emotions can be contagious but I can't help what I feel. Things will get better, but for know they suck. I thought I hid my emotions well enough but there are a few people who saw through my little mask, saw what's really going through my mind, body, and soul. For those... I am most sorrowful, there are things I never wanted to push onto another person and that was a major one. I'm strong, and I can get up and dust myself off but after a while a person grows tried, I grow tired, and I need to rejuvenate. I don't know what's in store for me, but I do know that I can get done what I need and bounce back if I just focus on some me time. Who knows I can do that. I can be alone and still have thoughts of others and about others still racing through my consciousness. I've gotten back to a lot of roots and I'm so thankful for that. I'd forgotten some of the best things that created and shaped me. I apparently lost sight of those attributes and needed a little reminding.

There are many things in life that can throw you off track, some you see coming and others you won't know are about to hit you. The goal is to be as prepared as possible, you establish boundaries and control who is in and out of your life, you surround yourself with positive, good people and remove the others. You don't allow them to cross your boundaries. Keep yourself at a distance from those who pose a threat. Know your limits and pay attention to the signs.

People always have "tells" that give away their true thoughts. Too bad that I can't read them all so easily all the time. I'm an adult, yes I have growing up to do and I'm not the most mature all the time but I am an adult in a generation that not many adults are born in. I don't really know why this happens and why people don't just do what they're supposed to and what's right but it seems the "days of manners" are lost in my generation. Sure there are some of us that are good people but there are also those that aren't. It's seen all the time in the most various of places and situations. It just amazes me how people think they can treat others in this time period... maybe one day they'll get a reality check, a slap in the face, or Karma will come back to them.

Here's hoping