I'm really tired of everything, my heart isn't in this anymore. I'm tired of consoling friends when it's convenient for them. In certain ways I feel like I should be so independent(which I pretty much am) and just continue being me. I've overwhelmed myself and now I'm trying to clean it all up. I just don't know what people want from me. Not everyone, but there are certain people in my life that I would really like if they could get over their issues or at least tell me what they are so I can move on. The second I stop trying to force things out of them they think I'm ignoring them, or I get too defensive and they think that I'm too set in my ways. Well news flash: I AM! I am the way that I am because of how I've been burned in the past. Now I'm broken, hurt, stressed and lonely and it takes all my energy to put a damned smile on my face and make sure that all your venting gets accomplished. I don't like venting anymore because I feel that people stop listening to me. They only want their problems to be heard or they try and throw advice on my. Guess what, most of the time I don't want or need your advice, I just need people to listen to me. I'm not like most people my age and I think that's why people don't understand me. I'm not sure how to change things because I don't really want them to be that different. I would love for some attention from one attractive guy in this town without loaded questions or beating around the bush. Oh wait! I'm on the list of people not to talk to and every guy in town is so deep in the closet they're dust bunnies. I need out of this place, on to new things and new people. to grow and experience all the things that are out there. Not be trapped in this small town where dreams are belittled and everyone knows you.
I want my parents divorce finalized, I want to be paid back so I have financial security, I want to start my job, take a break from school, have fun, get back into photography, dream, not stress, travel, go back to San Diego. I started to realize the old me when I went home over break. Piece of my true character I'd forgotten.
It would be nice to have someone with me: hold my hand, watch movies, a warm body to sleep next to.
sometimes... in the middle of an ordinary day, life and love give you a fairy tale. I want a fairy tale. I believe in true love, and I'm a total romantic. Guess that's my curse.
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