The Path

22 years.  22 years 6 months and 8 days.  Who knew that the world would have changed so much in so little time.  Humans have made leaps and bounds... we have the world's knowledge in our pockets, buildings that dwarf some of the oldest monuments and yet we still worry about the little things.  I wonder what my parents thought about 22 years ago.  The morning I was born.  If someone had asked them what they though I would be, would they have an answer? A teacher? A professor? Engineer?
I couldn't even have predicted where my life has now ended up.  Now I'm looking down a road, at a blinding light, blurring the path ahead of me... I'm in my 20's, I'm supposed to be trying everything and changing, adapting, having enough energy to run a power plant.  I can't even stay up past 11pm.  I fall asleep in the car and I can't seem to find the fun in going out to little Wyoming bars for a "good time".  I love my new job and it's really amazing experience, but I can't help thinking I need to move on to the next step.  Sure it's scary, you're damn right it's scary! It's my future.  I don't want to ruin it.  I also can't help of feel utterly excited in the fact that I can move on a whim, end up anywhere and start over. The hard part is being lost.  That transitional period of not knowing where my foot will land, if I call my family enough or when my next paycheck is going to stay in my bank account.

My biggest struggle? That I don't want to hear advice, I don't want to talk about it really, I want someone to hold me and tell my things will be okay.  I'm not weak, I'm not petty.  I genuinely want to have someone take care of me for a change.  That selfish little moment where I want someone to want me to feel better. Hell, even someone to lay on the couch with me and watch Halloween movies with nothing better to do than to lay on my lap and laugh with me about the bad acting or "what it was like for me as a kid" stories. I'm stuck in youth, cursed with burnout and not a clear idea of how to break out of that yet.  I hope it's the path that I'm on.  I just might have to start making my own.