Equality Optional.

I sit here typing, trying to come up with something to say. Something meaningful, insightful, or just generally something worth writing. But I can't, after House Bill 74 made it through the Education Committee in the Capital I'm just left feeling more empty, more bitter, and completely undermined. It's like having my moment of clarity shattered into an abyss of torture, freezing then burning until I can't function. This is not the end of this battle, nor are we anywhere the end. Our day will come, the day of some equality, the achievement and recognition that I AM a human being. I deserve to be protected and I deserve to have what my heterosexually privileged counterparts have.

There's no reason to pass a bill banning recognition of marriages from other states. That was my last lifeline, my last hope for this state. I always thought, "At least I can get married in another state and come back to Wyoming if i wanted to." that shining ray of hope is being suffocated, into an abyss of bigotry.

Of all the things, of all times, this wasn't the outcome I needed. I was hoping for a little compassion, for the elected representatives to listen to the majority of their constituents but apparently 4vs.20-25 obviously means the other four are more important. I'm tired of being a second class citizen, I'm tired of being the outcast, the "Wyoming Gay", the kid from the place Matt Shepard was murdered. I want... to just be me. I want to fall in love, be madly in love, and marry the person who means more to me than the air I breathe, the ground I walk on, and lives every second of my future with me. I want the chance to make mistakes, have the options others do, and to no longer be afraid.

Yesterday I spoke out in front of a committee room of strangers, I didn't say as much as others, nor did I use the information they did. I talked about me. I hoped that seeing there really are gay citizens, constituents, and people in Wyoming. Real Human Beings standing up to speak for others who are too afraid. It's terrifying to be me, I'm always paranoid, I have an anxiety disorder, and I'm always over thinking things. I was terrified of this state, now I'm just ashamed, there's nothing to fear anymore because to this state I don't exist. I'm no one, nothing, and fading into a theocratic, good ole boys state. But I stood up, I said what I needed to say. I broke my internal fear, and hopefully impacted enough people to make a difference.

I... am... somebody. I exist, along with thousands of others. We're real and true, and we fight for what's right! not for what we personally stand for. My ancestors came to this country to escape persecution of difference, and here I am. Being persecuted, punished, for God creating me. This state is regressing to a place that they won't want to be in when the day comes that the nation realizes their bullshit. Wyoming was a leader of progression, a stepping stone into the "1st's" of many hurdles. Now they're alienating themselves from everything around them. Problem is... I can ignore snow as much as I want but it won't go away, I can wish for a million dollars and never get it, and ignoring the fact that LGBQT members of this state are being discriminated against will NOT go away. It will come back stronger and stronger until there's no other choice but acceptance.

I'm a lot stronger than this state thinks I am.