I'm struggling with the reality of people in my life. It's more and more confusing as time runs on. Especially my family. I start to wonder what they really think about me. Or what I do in college. My siblings and I are so different, I just wonder if I'm taken advantage of or pushed aside because it's easier to do it me. I'm the nice kid, the one who was always so obedient and well behaved. These last years I've tried to stay independent and on my own but I've resorted to relying on my parents from time to time. Though, not as much as they relied on me. At first I felt like I owed them for them raising me, but I realized that's their job. To raise me. Once I went to college things were supposed to change for the better. Which for me they did, for my parents they didn't. Sometimes I wonder if they blame me. I used to be the glue to the family. My sister is about to go to college, finally, and my parents are getting divorced. I'm conflicted in becoming an adult. I'm even more conflicted that grown adults rely on their 21 year old college student and not the 22 year old with a high paying career, or the high school daughter that has a job... I'm 25,000 dollars in debt, soon to be more. The economy is fluxing, America is spiraling, and all I want is just pursue my goals without taking care of people that I shouldn't be obligated to take care of. Saddest part is that I would love to help them if they were in a place that they actually needed help. I would drop everything in a heartbeat. That's not the case here, their irresponsibility. I wish that I didn't feel this way but I do. Sometimes parents make mistakes, and sometimes the scars run too deep. There is a lot of greatness in my life, but there are a lot of things that I have to accept and deal with. I accept that the circumstances of my past are not present in my current life, but those same circumstances are the building blocks of my existence.