Even in my darkest times I always found a way to stay grounded. It may have taken a lot of time, or energy, or someone to say the right phrase but I did it. I was never truly alone. The lives of the people I touched in the future and those who have touched mine.... I will never forget. For even the most dim of lights shines brightly in the darkness.
I look like a strong person, deep down I'm just as sensitive as I was on the first day of kindergarten. Scared, clinging to my mom's leg, wondering how terrifying this new adventure would be. 17 years later I'm inspiring others to find the best of themselves, see their dreams and shoot for them. Even me, but without those dark moments I wouldn't be here. I wouldn't have become Brody, I would be something different entirely. I wouldn't want that.
The darkest I found myself... I hope to never get back to that moment but always remember that. I remember that 14 year old me made the hardest decision I've made to date. The decision to not only survive but to live. To live for me, for others and to make the world a better place. I hope to do that. If I can help one person, make one smile happen, even a pity laugh... I've done my job. Warming people's hearts warms mine. Now that I'm falling for someone I want to do everything I can to warm his. Sometimes I can feel him next to me, picture him with me and my heart races and warms. That's what I want to give in return. For even when I was broken, hurt and angry someone came along and warmed my heart enough for me to get out of bed and realize that I am so loved.
When I came back from London I felt that I had lost all connection to this American world, I have friends that still haven't given me the time of day, people I will most likely never see again, or that were a little glad I had left. To the few friends I have now... They hold so much love for me and I for them that you feel it any time we're together. Sometimes I get stressed or try a little too hard. Most of the time I'm just trying to find a way for people to open up. I know not everyone likes to but they'll always have that option with me. Night or day, good or bad, I'm there to listen and help. Even if the favor is never returned I'm not expecting it. I just love to make others feel happy and wanted.
I thought after getting proof of my dad cheating on my mom, for 8 years, I wouldn't be able to even feel love let alone find it. I was so afraid that even if I could trust someone that I would mess things up, shut down again or run at my first opportunity. I started to phase out of that. Slowly being okay with mostly myself and who I was or would become. Then I opened up, was disappointed on more than one occasion and things kept piling up. Finally had a few good moments. Then one simple Facebook message changed my year. A guy that I thought was so far out of my league was talking to me. It was amazing and he is so kind and sweet. Then the secrets we'd both been keeping came out and I started to have a crush again, then the crush grew into feelings of like... now I'm falling. Feeling things I never thought I could again. I'm pretty positive he's the one I'm going to spend forever and after with. The heart is a strange thing, it plays with us, tricks us but also tell you the truth sometimes before you even know it.
After all I've been through, I still fall, this time I'm hoping into the arms of the most amazing man that has ever talked to me. Hopefully he knows that I'd catch him if he ever falls as well.
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