These are the moments that define us.  Our 20's, of course we always change and grow but our lives are never more volatile than they are in this decade.  Changing bodies, ideas, hormones, hobbies, cities, relationships.  In this time frame I start to see my self from the outsiders prospective.  I often wonder what people see when they look and me and the perceptions are marginally different.  I'm learning to see what others see but it also takes its toll.  With constantly thinking and jumping ideas I'm always confused as to where I really am in a lot of my doings. 

When I was younger I had so much insight to things I knew little about.  I never knew everything and rarely ever pretended to.  Now, the older I'm becoming, the less I really know. Right now I'm falling in love with someone 1,000 miles away, hoping that we feel the same about each other and even seriously talking about the future.  It's so out of context for me and out of character but I can't help it.  I just feel a connection that I can't explain.  With this comes big change, moving, new social ties and everything.  I just really hope I get into their grad program and can afford to go. Money is so important lately and I'm already in debt from undergrad.  I need to save more, spend less, and start planning ahead for my future ideas and goals. I'm just kind of wandering at this point.... waiting for the next shoe to drop and I'm really hoping that shoe drops soon.

December 14th, if the universe lines up, I may find myself in the happiest moment I've been in yet.  I'm really hoping he likes the real me, all of me, and everything we do.  I have a hard time opening my heart to people and this time I can't lose him.