I'm trying to understand... but I don't. I'm not sure how to do this, or where to go. I'm happy, scared, disappointed, worried, stressed, tired, think too much, and push too hard.
I thought I was getting back what I was putting into this. I'm not sure. I hope I'm proven wrong. If not then it's back to locking things away.
If I'm disappointed and I get my hopes up only to have them crushed... it's going to be a while before my defenses go down. if ever. This is the first time some of those walls will be down at all. My hearts out there, and if it gets sent back... I'm just going to pray it's in one piece this time.
Everything is overwhelming, I can't concentrate and I'm trying to keep school as my priority. I feel like I've just shuffled stress around rather than actually relieved any. All these plans and ideas have started making set backs. I hope I can bounce back. I don't even know what I'm doing. There's no plan.
Hilary said it, we're the elect. we're the brains of the future because our generation doesn't have the ability to think.
I've always loved paradise, I think I just built and island and built it so far away no one knows where it is... and I'm just praying a life boat comes a shore.
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