The Real Post

Time for a real blog post, I can get on here day after day and write poems, deep thoughts blah blah blah, and I enjoy doing it. Writing makes me vulnerable and open. I usually can't stand people reading what I write, I get embarrassed, bashful, and start blushing but it's a way for me to open myself to the world (or those who read this). It's nothing but thought on paper according to Miles Brazil, and he's right. My writing is nothing but the thoughts I can't say out loud and they're then put onto paper. I don't really know what it's like to be in someone else's mind but mine has so many thoughts in one instance that half the time I say things or think they're "relate" they are in my mind and I can trace the lines straight to the trigger. It doesn't seem like that from the outside perspective and I probably sound like a fool half the time.

I've been doing a lot of self finding this past year and a half and it's really made me, what I would like to think, a really respectable young man. Last Year, August 9th, I went on my first real date EVER. I drove all the way to Salt Lake City, UT from Laramie, WY. I was born that day, the day I could truly act on the feelings I'd repressed for years. I've been out since I was 16, and now I think everyone close to me knows or has been told by someone. I have a lot of great people in my life and I have so many loved ones that I don't even know what to do with them. I truly started my life, August 2009, no one told me how to live, how to be, and how to act. Everything relied on me, I moved in with one of my closest friends and confidants Christina Currie. Through her world she didn't look at me like the pitiable second class citizen, just me. From then on I was immersed in a world I've never explored. I had more dates than people could keep track of, and the funny part is I thought I was being "bad" with so many dates, oh the words of my naive little self. Funny how "bad" becomes good, happiness, and a moment of bliss. You find someone you think you can love, give something you can't get back, and then you're left in the dust two days later. My first break-up, I was dumped... and I remember being sad for about an hour and then excited that I had experienced getting dumped for the first time. Going back to the fact that my brain isn't like other peoples. I'd been virtually talking to a boy for over 5 months, and then I went all the way to Casper, WY in January to meet him. Who knew I would fall so fast, my first New Year's Kiss led to three months of superficial happiness, and a realization of manipulation, use, and complete inconsiderate behavior. This time I broke up with my boyfriend, and I was actually crushed. Not that it was over, but that I let someone get really close to me and then have them manipulate and use me for three months. Safe to say I'm never doing long distance relationships. After this my vow of never to let people manipulate me caused a little drama with my first ex, and my dating life turned into a not so committed one. I've been single now for 9 months, I coulda had a baby by now. But I enjoy learning things that I can only find whilst being alone and not relying on a boyfriend. I would definitely welcome any good guy that walked into my life. But as far as looking goes... I'm a little burnt out and this isn't a search and seizure, more of a recon mission.

I dye my hair because I can't commit to my "look" and I've moved away from my perfection complex and trying to control everything. Now I try to live in the present, explore and take risks to learn something new about myself. I love to love, I flirt all the time, and I have some of the greatest friends you could ask for. I have a lot to learn still, seeing as I'm only one and a half years young. The world is my unknown adventure to explore. Let's see where I go.

Courage

Courage is the doorway to a future of possibilities,

believing in yourself gets you there,

understanding you're made for a purpose and given a job,

by whomever gives it to you,

means you're able to handle it,

it's the truth and what's right,

not what "should be",

or protecting someone from the truth,

the truth needs to be revealed and released from the shadows,

that man has cast them into.

Winter

The river runs,

in deep of night,

a star filled sky,

sprayed with light.

Silent snow,

on still froze leaves,

landing softly,

about to freeze.

Whistling winds,

a huddled critter,

bunkered down,

winter's bitter.

Icy roads,

roaring fires,

lots of blankets,

are winters desires.