The Bigger Picture

There's a lot that i was supposed to learn, theres a lot that I wish I could've learned along the way. I may not know my place in this world just yet but I now know that I'm part of something bigger than I could've imagined. I'm watching history, it may not be the history I want to see but I'm still fighting, and the future is never set in stone.
I now know that I HAVE a place. No matter the small things in life. I know I'm here for something. Be it a friend, activist, son, brother, or person.
I'm worth something.
I don't know where my puzzle piece goes... But I do know I am a part of the puzzle.

Nowhere near perfect

I'm broken, there's no doubt about that. Saying anything different would be a direct lie. I'm not the model citizen, impeccably smarter than others, or the person that my parents dreamed I would be. I'm just another soul, wandering through this world hoping to live out what I'm meant to. I disappoint people, I don't live up to the expectations of they hold, and I don't sit around pretending to be something I'm not capable of being. I'm a nice guy, I don't use people, I don't trick them or intentionally hurt anyone.

I look to surround myself with good, open minded stable people. The kind that won't judge me for things that aren't their business, for things that I won't change about myself.

I'm me, I'm decent and I'm a human being. I will never compromise myself for the sake of others nor do I have anything to prove. I look for the small things in life. The conversation, holding hands, flirting, laughing with my best friends, kissing...just kissing. The moments that I stop worrying, for four damn seconds, and I forget that this world is the uphill battle that's not getting any more flat.

I'm not perfect. I'm not anywhere close to it; nor do I pretend to be. All I've ever hoped for was to be left to my own life. To be and do what comes my way and deal with it as I choose.

Pure emotion is derived from one basic manifestation, humanity. A lot of people are afraid of their emotions. I'm not. I embrace what I have and what I feel in one way or another. It's simple... crying, running, swimming, photographs, day dreaming, talking or writing down the thoughts that race through my mind. They're always there. You can bottle, suppress, shift or displace whatever it is you feel but it comes back in full force. No one stops to think about what it would be like to just deal with whatever it is that's bothering them. Simply because there are no answers to give a person. The answers they're looking for aren't always what they want to hear. The truth can be devastating.

I never lie to myself no matter how traumatizing it can be. I may put up a front or say things that deep down I don't believe, but then again deep down I know the truth. I always know the truth about myself, I may not pick up on what others perceive though.

Forever is a long time to hide what you feel.

Intervention

Fate has a plan, not everything in this world is structured and set in stone, but there are times that make you believe, make you understand, and leave you knowing that there's more out there than just planet Earth. Call it what you want, faith, a deity, destiny, supernatural... it all makes no prevalent difference. There are moments that I know why I believe. Ruth and her parents survived a roll over when the conditions should have killed them, for no reason known to her she put her seat belt on a few minutes before the roll over. Ruth doesn't always wear her seat belt. But somehow she did at the last second. I love Ruth so so much and I wouldn't have been able to function if she hadn't of made it that night. I still pray to God, and I always will. I don't always know what his plan is but I feel I can make the best of the time he's given me, no matter that plan. I have a lot of good in my life and I'm hoping to keep good coming into it.

If I can feel a glimpse of love,

I'll know it's real and rise above,

the hate and lies thrown around,

you won't run my spirits in the ground,

god won't judge, there's no chance,

I am who I am, and that's my stance.