The clock strikes.

I'm not ok... I've lied for so long, and kept a smile. Told people that I'm not overwhelmed or that I can handle it. I can't. There are so many things, coming from all sides, that I can't concentrate. Things are slipping through the cracks.

I wish it were possible to sleep for three days straight! I just want a break, or a day when I have no cares or worries. Or a night where someone just cuddles up to me and spends the night watching movies. I want simple. Just a moment of clarity. But no, life is a test, one that no one passes at the end. We still try to make things better, different, more exciting... I just want to feel accomplished. Loved, cared for, thought of, desired.... something real and special. I want someone to not lie to me, for them to love me back, and to connect to someone on the highest level possible. Who knows when I'll find that... I doubt here. I doubt know but I don't know that. I just want someone to rely on. That's near me, and will always be here. Apparently I'm asking too much, so.... I'll go about my day, with a smile on my face... and live. Before time runs out.

Dusting things off

Things change, tides shift, the planet spins and time waits for no man. I've been through God knows what, and I'm still standing. Turns out though, standing up again and again is exhausting. But you get up, dust yourself off and get a move on. There's no time to cry, or mope, or explain myself. I just put on my shoes and walk out the door. My life is greater than you would think. I have to make the most with what I have and deal with what I don't. Growing up isn't easy, try growing up when you're 14, then again at 16, knowing you're supposed to be a kid and mess up, enjoy life. I didn't get that luxury. I mess around in college and I've made my mistakes. That doesn't mean that I'm not grown up. People keep telling me how grown up I am, it scares me. There's no going back, no growing back down. I'll still be me, I'll be too old for my age, too young for my own good, and left in a void that no one understands.

So I pick myself up, dust myself off and put on my game face. Welcome to life... it's here and it's not going away.

It's cute you write like a 13yr old girl but...

I haven't blogged in a while, and now I'm about to rant about a lot of things here.

First off, when blogging, I find it mildly ridiculous to post your link on Facebook after EVERY blog post. You have a damn blog to keep that shit OFF OTHER SITES!!!!! If people really wanted to know you, or really liked what you wrote they would read your blog and not need the incessant reminders of your non-sense spewing into other sectors of the networking world.

Next, DO NOT, I REPEAT DO, FUCKING, NOT write in a 3rd person. 3rd person arguments need to be left in research papers and politics where they belong. You don't sound more intelligent by writing in a 3rd voice. It disconnects you from the audience and leaves the reader thinking that the information is A) Not relevant to them B) unimportant or C) a waste of time reading. AND, this gets better, and! you sound like a damn fool! Read this sentence:

1st person: I love my best friend, she is so amazing.

3rd person: One loves their best friend, that person is amazing.

How fucking emotionless does that sound? Seriously, bore someone else with your 13 year old dramatic writing. I understand I have a blog, and it's to express myself. That's true. But it's not to write down emotionless babble and then re-post it to Facebook for attention. The only people I tell to read my blog are those who matter to me and can get a new insight into my mind and emotions. NOT to have my own personal journal to write 3rd person, American Teen Girl entries and broadcast it to all your fake friends.

My writing is personal, it matters to pretty much only me and whatever the reader interprets. True writing comes from the heart and the soul, not from stealing words from a website to make you seem more intelligent. There are true brilliant writers out there. You, I'm not sorry to say, aren't one of them. So re-think your audacity, write like you speak, and then one day you'll realize the truth of writing and the power it possesses. Until then, I'll continue to harshly criticize your writing and avoid reading future posts.