My deepest thought is thinking.
My deepest fear is fearing,
The truth becomes endearing.

Embrace emotions in flawless form,
Through experience novelty is born,
Reality has now been torn.

Existence is a fickle thing,
Insanity it now will bring,
Don't forget to stop and sing.

The tables hop,
The sounds will pop,
Whatever you do: don't let the music stop

Writer's Block

I'm taking a break from studying, I can't seem to finish this paper so I'm writing here to try and free up my writer's block and stuff. I don't really know where to start. I had a great weekend. Got to skype with the most amazing boyfriend... I miss him a lot. :(
I partied a little. Slept, and now I'm just trying to do some homework. I have so many things on my checklist that I don't know how I'm going to check them all off in time. I need to take a step back, slow down and have some more fun. I really miss swimming.

Feeling free, open, powerful, agile... gah! Just to feel being underwater. My mind can slow down, everything makes sense, and I just... exist. It's pure freedom. I feel safe when I'm swimming.

It reminds me of being with my boyfriend. he makes it so easy to just breath and relax. Even just skyping, I feel a little bit better every time I see him. I finally got to hear him sing. It was so beautiful. I don't care that he thinks he's a bad singer. He's not, his tone, the feeling behind the music. It's so amazing. I really wish we lived closer :/ Just to hug him, see him, play with his hair and look into those stunningly perfect eyes.

Friendly advice,

My friend was just in a really bad break up, and everyone was giving sympathy on Facebook and trying to be good friends. Everything they said just didn't seem like it would help so I put this:

Don't give up, even though it hurts the happiness is worth some of the sadness. And it can teach you a lesson. You grow stronger and smarter. Until you're ready and you and your true love will find each other. It's harder to stand up in the face of adversity than to love for eternity.

Maybe it can help someone else too.

Brody: the explorer

I can't worry too much, in hopes that somehow making me worry will solve the problem. Because it doesn't. I'm trying to sort things out and take a breath. It's a new thing for me. haha. But it's already helped.

I had problems falling asleep last night, I missed my guy, I had so much to do, and I was so tired. I was so tired I forgot that I was trying to actually sleep. I finally realized that I can't worry about things when I'm laying down so I started counting my blessings so to speak. I'm in love with the most amazing guy, my family loves me, I'm in school, I have food, shelter... etc and I realized I went into the deepest most restful sleep I've had in a very long time. I'm also happier than I've ever been! :)
I had lunch with Christina and I have some of the most amazing friends and people in my life. No matter how things work out, I'll always be able to take a breath, I can handle anything. I'm strong, I've gotten here, and I will get to an amazing place in life. My stress started to get to me today when I realized that I do it to myself for the wrong reasons. That's why it overwhelms me. So I need to stand up, do what's best for me and for everyone else. Time to grow up a little again. My world is my playground, my office and my adventures. Time to become an explorer :p

Fallen

I had the most amazing weekend ever. There aren't any words to explain it. I spent a day and a half with the most amazing guy in the entire world. I haven't been able to stop thinking about him all day. I cried a little when he left. I'm so happy he came down here. it made my year.
He's so amazing. Gorgeous, best laugh... funny, a great story teller, caring, outgoing, relaxed and at times a little too easy going. haha.

I feel safe with him. And I want him to feel safe with me. We've both been hurt and I feel that we're both really cautious... but no matter how fast this began, I haven't felt more right. More... In love. I'm scared, nervous, excited, everything. I've never felt this many emotions at once. I can't wait to see him again.

I hope this doesn't sound too mushy or anything, if it does, then so be it. I've never felt like this before. Just seeing him smile makes my heart jump, or hearing his heart beat. The smell of his hair, the feeling of his hands in mine. Everything. Those ridiculously gorgeous eyes: Blue, green and silver. So gorgeous. when he blushes, or when he's thinking. He's amazing. When he gets excited and makes these cute little noises. My apartment is empty and it feels weird, him not being here. Like we've known each other for a lot longer. I trust him, and it's all new to me.

If he's reading this he should know: I love you.

See you soon Baby Boy

Stranded

I'm trying to understand... but I don't. I'm not sure how to do this, or where to go. I'm happy, scared, disappointed, worried, stressed, tired, think too much, and push too hard.
I thought I was getting back what I was putting into this. I'm not sure. I hope I'm proven wrong. If not then it's back to locking things away.

If I'm disappointed and I get my hopes up only to have them crushed... it's going to be a while before my defenses go down. if ever. This is the first time some of those walls will be down at all. My hearts out there, and if it gets sent back... I'm just going to pray it's in one piece this time.

Everything is overwhelming, I can't concentrate and I'm trying to keep school as my priority. I feel like I've just shuffled stress around rather than actually relieved any. All these plans and ideas have started making set backs. I hope I can bounce back. I don't even know what I'm doing. There's no plan.
Hilary said it, we're the elect. we're the brains of the future because our generation doesn't have the ability to think.

I've always loved paradise, I think I just built and island and built it so far away no one knows where it is... and I'm just praying a life boat comes a shore.

Ramblings of a mad man

I know what I know. You never really see yourself like others do. Crazy Right?!?!?! I'm stating the freaking obvious. But seriously, I don't know when I'm going to see what others see. Like my guy, he sees so much in me that I don't. Jessi, she sees so many things that I didn't really ever know. Today, my supervisor said some of the most amazing things about me. Maybe I'm starting to believe them, after all, the people in our circles are our mirrors of self reflection. We are our toughest critics, also some of our greatest enablers, but I think that there's a lesson to learn from everyone we meet. There's always something to gain. It doesn't matter how long you've known them or whether the interaction was good or bad. I don't really know what I'm trying to say here. I'm mostly rambling trying to get words out. But for the most part. I think that every person I met was in my life for a reason. I also know that everyone lies. Life is about finding the Truth, or picking the best liar. I lie, everyone has little white lies here and there. But I try and make the best effort to be honest. I'm hoping that it gets me somewhere. I've seen where lies get you, and that's not a place that I'm going to end up being in. I will not compromise my integrity for the sake of others.