Distracted

Television ruins everything. Constantly waiting for people to be lured into the false reality of true love. I believe in love and sometimes still believe there is someone out there for everyone. I just cannot wait to find the truth. Whatever it may be... My heart hurts, no matter what I do I have a hard time feeling anything that I used to. I feel like I'm on the brink of something. I don't know what it is. And I'm in a really strange emotional place. I feel like I've been changed so much that I don't know where I am in the real world. I can't control my thoughts any more. I don't know what to feel or who to trust. Growing up isn't the best, but it's important. It's necessary.

Searching

Lost in thought, I seem to worry. Run around, forever in hurry. Little moments in between, snowflakes, leaves, dew drops glean. Remind me of a simpler place, A place in fantasy I can't erase. Know the truth and look within, Tomorrow's adventure will soon begin.

Control

I can't save the world, I am not perfect. I can, however, make a difference. I spread myself too thin. Why? because I thought it's what I do. I realized now that it's more about what people don't do. There's a deficit of workers, there are more people concerned about their looks and their social ties than working hard to earn their worth or make a difference. In my generation, I'm a dying breed. A leader of all sorts just doing what I can. It's not enough though. I'm one man, standing on the notion that others will be the safety net. They won't though, not enough to stop the force of impact without hurting others. So I strive for more, I push myself and us my past as motivation. I slip up a lot, make mistakes, do things I shouldn't and waste time. Who doesn't? But I try not to waste YOUR time. I try to be there and do what's asked of me but sometimes it doesn't work out as planned. That's when you take a step back, reevaluate and try again. Perseverance doesn't fail you, even if you fail. For standing in the face of adversity is the true strength a person can thrive on. I work too hard on things I can't control. One day I'll slow down and mellow out. Until then, I'll continue to us my youth to do all I can, be goofy and try too hard at things that I laugh at myself for anyway. That's something that I miss though. Really laughing. I think that after these last few years I've just changed my perspective on things too much that my "funny bone" has been a little damaged. I want it back, I miss laughing at the most ridiculous things. It's slowly coming back, my real, full on, loud chipmunk laugh... Oh boy am I awkward. Thanks to Kalayla's pictures and some texts throughout the day(and social committee) I get some great laughs in. I'm working on a balance of life, school life and me. I'm closer than I've ever been to it and one day soon I'll reach it. Just in time to relax and study in London for a semester. Then it's time for the real world and life to become better than I have been and exceed my own expectations... Look out world... here I come. PS: Wine was consumed in the making of this message... really classy wine.

Life has a lot of ups and downs

People always say "it's like a roller coaster" implying bad things... funny thing is: I've always liked roller coasters.

It's not over yet...

This is the story of a girl. A long time ago, two school children met on the playground, they began playing with friends. Years down the road they had classes together, went to middle school together, friends birthday parties, dances, etc. High School separated them. Years passed as they grew up, shaped their adolescence and grew into early adulthood. The rite of passage all students take into the after-high-school stage threw these two schoolchildren into each others paths once again. The boy walked across campus, staring at the beige colored buildings, the bike racks, the light poles and the surrounding are of the College Classroom Building. Bewildered and amazed as a blast from the past came into view. He called out her name, shocked she didn't recognize him at first... then the reunion began over the course of a few months. A class together, going to dances/dinner, study dates and coffee ensued.

Fast forward through crying, Sonic Runs, baking fiascoes(I still don't use perfect measurements, concerts, adventures and shenanigans these two had grown into amazing individuals.

Here's where this short story should say "And they lived happily ever after" but it won't. This isn't any ordinary love story. I've known Kalayla since 2nd grade, in little Evanston, Wyo. From there to Houston, Boston and back we've become phenomenal leaders, amazing friends and loyal people to those around us. We were crutches, tissues, boxing bags, laughter and fun. We inspired peopls but most of all we inspired each others in so many ways. Today we had to part, she said "I don't know why I didn't think I'd have to say goodbye to you, I just thought you'd be going with me." I didn't know what it would feel like until that moment. When part of you has to move on and you need to let it. We've made it through tremendous, ridiculous things and we're still here. Crying in the parking lot, waiting to take the next step. We'll make it through. That doesn't mean my heart isn't sad that she's leaving. I'm going to miss you Kalayla. I love you so much and you will do so many amazing things! You're stronger than you think. It's not happily ever after, it's better than that. This story isn't over, and there are a lot more adventures to come :) -Not the End-

"I write because no one listens"

I write because no one listens. I saw this phrase on Facebook and realized that I may have writers block sometimes but writing is the portal to my inner thoughts. Most people never hear or get to hear my true thoughts. Most of the time people aren't listening any way. I think that's why I spend most of my time alone, or in small groups. I like my free time to relax and not have to deal with everyone else's issue on top of bottling mine. People in this town seem to use others to get what they want, someone to vent to, have sex with or just plain take out repressed aggression on to make themselves feel better. I used to spend so much time in writing and reading until I became so wrapped up in the world and experiencing things that I forgot where I developed my passion and creativity. Not only in books but in my mind. I would wake up at early hours of the morning and not sleep. Only write what I thought or felt. No reserve or holding back. Just pure thought on cyber paper, so-to-speak. I've been trying to hold onto everything, waiting until I go to London, graduate, grow up... I've been waiting to see if everything I've held onto will be released but it definitely won't. Workouts, haircuts, and not even going into my past have brought out the toxic anger lodged inside myself. I hope that I start to find a way. I've slowly started letting go and forgiving. I just hope the process speeds up a little. I'm a Safe Zone Coordinator, Student Ambassador, ASUW Senator for the College of Arts and Sciences, a Senior, a Student, a Cowboy, a Son, a Brother, a Grandson... all this seems confusing and strange that I have all these titles. I'm excited for my senior year and to study abroad... Let's see what happens after that... I can't wait :) I just hope I can let go of my anger along the way.

Discover a new world

The semester is growing closer. I cannot wait for Fall 2012! I have so much planned and so many things I wish to accomplish. That also puts me one step closer to graduation and the real world. I am so nervous but I also think it's going to be an adventure. There are too many things to look forward to so I cannot let myself be brought down by bad thoughts. Negativity is not needed. I wish that one day I'll be in a good place with my family. That one day we can be civil and understanding. I also hope I get all my "ducks" in a row in time. Getting ready for graduation in London may be a little more difficult than I am ready for. Lately I've been thinking a lot and wondering about life and such. It's funny how 3 years ago I was such a dork, quiet, shy and had low self-esteem. Now look at me, successful in college, active, hard-working, strong, passionate and driven. Growing up is a really hard thing but becoming an adult is even more strenuous. Sometimes I wonder why I am the one to have to grow up and mature so quickly but I am so thankful for it. I wouldn't be the man I am today if it weren't for the trials and hardships that I've been through. Everyone has a story, I feel like I have a novel. In the end, the decisions we make lead us to our fate but the decisions left unmade lead us to darkness and bitterness. Living life is so crucial. I'm alright. I am happy, ready, prepared, cautious, smart, worthy and excited. I may be stressed, broke and worry too much but I don't let that get to me. Sometimes I may be lonely but I love myself enough to know that I'll be okay, and hopefully my next adventures will lead me to greatness. I really want love, adventure, and to see new places. I hope that the world brings me that, even more? I hope I earn that and I'm rewarded for my efforts. After all, nice guys finish last, fortune favors the brave, patience is a virtue.... it's all about hard work, devotion and perseverance. SO love, live, and laugh at yourself. Expel negative energy, forgive people, and surround yourself with good people, good vibes and good times. Memories aren't manufactured, they're discovered.