Revolution

I'm thinking of writing a novel, and I'm not sure what it'll be about nor do I care yet. But people think it's kind of weird. I'm just disappointed in the lack of curiosity and adventure some people have. With the world spiraling into chaos why not take a little risk and enjoy what life has to offer. I'm 21 and I'm not ready for life to take me too seriously just yet. Who cares if people think it's weird, or use it against me. I want to accomplish a lot and I'm not going to wait around for cool things to happen when I can do them myself. My generation doesn't do what society wants us to, or what is expected of us. We do what we want and may seem entitled but we are the generation of diversity. We have so many avenues and aspects that are so unique and different that nothing we do is the same, everything changes so rapidly we adapt, and we can't hold still or pay attention. The things that my generation can or will do are frowned upon and thought to be ridiculous but really we're innovators. Finding new ways to adapt and change perspectives on old ideas and bring about completely new information. We also have the potential to breed chaos and apathy. But as Egypt saw, we can create a revolution in 160 characters or less. The smallest of things can expand into the greatest of dimensions, growing beyond our wildest expectations.

the Human Experience

Being human is by far one of the most intense, confusing, illogical experiences that this world has to offer. There's so much pain, beauty and happiness. It's hard to know the difference between which is which. It's all a test of perception. Grounded in reality beyond the existence of any logical conclusion. There's no way of telling what is real until you have something to hold onto forever. We crave and demand things but never really worry about the little moments we miss, the seconds that tick by while we join in a rat race that will never have a finish line. More people need to step back and slow down. Take advantage of what they have, stop worrying so much about long term things and appreciate what's right in front of you. I take risks, can seem cocky or arrogant but in all reality: I don't waste time. I utilize each moment, capitalize on as many opportunities as I can and I try to make the world a better place. If everyone started doing that then this world would be such a better place to be in. We're connected by small things, tiny things... minuscule objects that are so overlooked you have no idea how you've met most of the people in your life. Surround yourself with good company, stop having a dim outlook on things and pursue that which scares you. Fear is a motivator but it also allows for innovation and creativity to blossom. I don't want to regret life, or anything in. I appreciate my mistakes, I laugh at myself and I choose to be 100% me. No exceptions. Knowing yourself allows others to appreciate the true values you have to offer. Today, I'm getting my 8th tattoo. I've been told to stop, or I won't like it later in life. But I can't not. The word I'm getting around my ankle is "perseverance". Perseverance- persistent determination. It's standing when standing isn't easy. If you fall down three times, stand up four- Chinese Proverb. I'm asked all the time "How do you do it?" "How do you handle it?" and I get frustrated and sad by those questions. You don't have a choice if you want to live. You deal, you cry, scream, yell, punch, run, or whatever. You just... DO. I don't pretend that I'm perfect, but I'm not weak. I'm a country boy, and I'm as strong as the foundation that my life was built upon. That with broken ribs and a bruised ego I will get up, dust myself off, and get back on to ride. I'm not going to lay there and wait for something to happen, that's when you get stepped on and you don't get back up. I don't pretend that I don't cry. I cry a lot, and I'm not ashamed. How can you be human without experiencing all that humanity has to offer? I love easily but truly. I trust cautiously but fully. I also know everyone else has their stories, a background. A past that may be blessed or broken. I make snap judgments but I refuse to judge a person off of superficial expressions. But that also means I don't give second chances very often and I protect my heart from letting people too close to me. I put myself out there in the hope that one day fortune will favor the brave. Ciao,

Lies adults told me.

Remember that time I drove to Texas twice in 3 weeks? Yeah me too. Family is supposed to be the ties that bind. Sometimes those ties are severed and you have to keep truckin' along like everything is fine and hunky dory. LIES haha, it's okay to not be okay if you're taking care of yourself. Sometimes that's really hard for people to hear. This weekend my mom told me "I keep thinking if Brody can be alone then I can do it." This was really hard for me to hear. I didn't magically become okay with being alone. I was forced to deal with a hard situation and I chose to rise above it. Everyone has rough situations and deals differently but the very rare few know right away what to do. There's beauty in the chaos of trying to revive a life that's long since lost. Only if you have the courage and strength to look forward to the future and make a difference in your own life. I'm not a life coach, or exceedingly successful in this world. I struggle and make mistakes. But I learn, and I use them to my advantage. There's a difference between learning and giving up. It's really important to be thankful for those who have gotten you this far, but even more important to have faith in yourself. To know you'll be okay on your own. At the end of the day, you're all you've really got. So live it up, make good choices and don't take life for granted.

Stay Tuned

Today I was asked what my autobiography would be titled and why... I thought on it and realized that my title would probably be "The Broken Pieces" because I'm the collaboration of a broken person put back together. I know that I've been through a lot and it makes you stronger but I've been so broken down and beaten that sometimes I even wonder how I made it this far. I'm really thankful for all the love and support in my life :) haha. Sometimes I just get a little lost. Which happens to a lot of us. Today was such a beautiful day... I think I'm starting to open my eyes more to opportunity and see what this world really has to offer. As well as the great people in it. I hope to continue finding myself and pushing my boundaries. I also hope I can learn to live in a way that I've always wanted... by respecting and loving others. It's important I hold onto those values and get back my personality without being angry and mean. I'm really going to try to make the best out of this coming year. It's going to be epic :) stay tuned. ;)

Life's Little Lessons

Sometimes, pretending to be okay is worse than admitting you're hurting. Well, being put in a situation where you feel helpless doesn't help. But I really am okay. I can handle anything, just sometimes I shouldn't be the one handling it. I'm 21. I've grown up faster than most people should and the best part is that I doubt even more than four people would ever understand the background that I came from. Others have definitely had it worse and I'm not trying to belittle that, we all face trials and obstacles... my family just seemed to get them in greater intensity. They say that sacrifice is giving up something for the betterment of yourself or others... the other definition is killing to appease a deity. So did we do what we did to help our family? or were we left on the chopping block? Personally, I feel as if I was waiting in line behind Marie Antoinette. haha too soon? I can handle a lot, it's just that sometimes I prefer to talk about it and not bottle things up. I don't need advice, or a huge lecture. Just someone to listen. I usually love hearing both sides, but playing devils advocate and giving others the benefit of the doubt doesn't help the situation. Most of the time, it's because people make it seem like I never get the benefit of the doubt and I'm the irrational one. It could be my fault for not making them understand my story or point of view. Like I said, I don't have a lot of people who know that story. It's not really one I like to tell either. Eight years of torment, lies and doing nothing but trying to survive. When you're in survival mode, it's really hard to leave it and enjoy life. I had a good portion of my adolescence taken from me because I had to step up and do things that my family wouldn't or couldn't... I don't regret it, it made me who I am and I would rather be the product of a hard life than be coddled into blissful ignorance. Life isn't just being happy all the time, until you experience all the good and bad you know only a portion of what it's like to be alive. When you experience the bad emotions, you can appreciate the good so much more. Funny how life works out, even from the shadows beauty can be born. Even in light, beauty can be torn.

Don't forget it's Earth Day!

Happy Earth Day! Today... used to be big deal in my hometown... I remember my 3rd grade class getting a tree donated and planting it on my elementaries open field. Today, Matt, Tino and I are pairing up with Multi-cultrual Advocates for Women Empowerment to participate in sustainability clean up around the University of Wyoming Campus. It's a really great program and I'm sad to see such a small turnout from Spectrum. It'll still be grewat and fun though for all who participate in it. I'm not a hippie, or green peace by any means but I believe that people need to be made more concisously aware of the implications they have on this planet. Waste, garbage and manufacturing has taken it's toll and will continue to make it's mark on the planet. The human footprint is large and only increasing in its size. So start the initiative. Recycle paper, plastic, or make a compost heap. The world will thank you one day. :)

I'm struggling with the reality of people in my life. It's more and more confusing as time runs on. Especially my family. I start to wonder what they really think about me. Or what I do in college. My siblings and I are so different, I just wonder if I'm taken advantage of or pushed aside because it's easier to do it me. I'm the nice kid, the one who was always so obedient and well behaved. These last years I've tried to stay independent and on my own but I've resorted to relying on my parents from time to time. Though, not as much as they relied on me. At first I felt like I owed them for them raising me, but I realized that's their job. To raise me. Once I went to college things were supposed to change for the better. Which for me they did, for my parents they didn't. Sometimes I wonder if they blame me. I used to be the glue to the family. My sister is about to go to college, finally, and my parents are getting divorced. I'm conflicted in becoming an adult. I'm even more conflicted that grown adults rely on their 21 year old college student and not the 22 year old with a high paying career, or the high school daughter that has a job... I'm 25,000 dollars in debt, soon to be more. The economy is fluxing, America is spiraling, and all I want is just pursue my goals without taking care of people that I shouldn't be obligated to take care of. Saddest part is that I would love to help them if they were in a place that they actually needed help. I would drop everything in a heartbeat. That's not the case here, their irresponsibility. I wish that I didn't feel this way but I do. Sometimes parents make mistakes, and sometimes the scars run too deep. There is a lot of greatness in my life, but there are a lot of things that I have to accept and deal with. I accept that the circumstances of my past are not present in my current life, but those same circumstances are the building blocks of my existence.