Rambling thoughts on the tube

I can't explain how I feel things out about people so easy but it's how and why I believe in the supernatural. We're all made with potential to do phenomenal things and receive amazing gifts it's up to us to use them.
The amount of time you spend dwelling on things that can't change and that are beyond your control just deter you from getting to the next step of your life. It takes small little moments to change someone's life and half the time you don't even know the impact you're having. Im constantly told that I inspire others just by my presence alone. I didn't notice that until seeing the amazing people that came to talk to me before I came to London, the messages I received, and the great people that I've met here. Most of the time I've had a drink or two and I let me mind wander...apparently it brings out the good in me and allows me to share it with others. Taylor said its the way I relate to others and have experienced so much that I attract others to me so I can teach them something. The teacher appears when the student is ready. Maybe that's why I only stay in people's lives for a brief time and then we go our ways. Not because of ending on a bad note but more that I'm just a stepping stone or it's the moments our strings of fate have been woven together. Through those minuscule moment so feel like I have learned and benefitted from every person I've come into contact with. It's hard to see it at times but even those who upset us most teach us the best lessons.
I'm not afraid of pain, loss, or disappointment. Those just make me fight for my goals even more. I feel like people never give themselves enough credit... I sure don't. There's a lot that I love about myself but I'm afraid to admit them because I don't want it to go to my head.
In an attempt to change my life and how I see things I'm becoming a more positive person. I'm trying to change how I see and think about things in order to gain a new perspective into a world that may be lacking a lot more than people realize: love, hope, and safety. But if I end up loving myself and others success will come. Dreams will follow but wishing only gets you part of the way there.
If you surround yourself with positive people then the domino effect occurs. Others become more positive , nicer, happier... And then from there things should only grow and spread

Too Blind to See It

Something that I wrote before I came to London. I was sitting at home, in my old house wondering where and when my life would take off like everyone said it would. Too bad I was too blind to see it already had :) "Being here is like recognizing a shadow... Cast in an off shade of grey. A fuzzy impact between light and dark. Every time I come back I understand why I left. A desolate, unchanging place. People are supposed to be afraid of change and difference. I embrace it. My memory has sure faded from jumping off the haystack and running around the mountain, things changed... Shifted and altered its meaning. It's feeling. I used to belong here for a time. I then became aware that there was a bigger plan for me. Beyond my own knowing. Opportunity knocks and I answer. There's the saying you can take the boy out of the country but you can't take the country out of the boy. That may be completely true. But I've never been a country boy. I'm a beach rat in cowboys dust. A little part of my old history. A book long closed, stuck on a shelf to rarely be opened again. The next book has yet to be written... The pages left untouched by the harsh, scratchy stroke of a pen. There inlies the opportunity. The blank pages yet to be created... Leaps and bounds of grandeur." Coming to another country has been so amazingly imapctful and today, I don't want to talk about being abroad or how weird it is. I want to talk about how much I appreciate because of this. I have songs and smells that remind me of the greatest memories, sights that bring me to tears and render me speechless, and moments that I am so happy to share with one of my best friends; Taylor. I keep thinking of all the great things that have happened to me and that I'm so thankful to still be in contact with my friends back home. They remind me everyday how loved I am and how much love I get to go back to when I come home in 30 days. The clock is winding down and although I'm really stressed a lot and sometimes complain more than I should today I'm going to try and change that... it 's time to start being positive even if it hurts. Emotions are contagious and I plan on being a plague :) On the bus this morning to took my headphones out to just listen. I heard a mother consoling her children, a guy humming to a simple tune, street cars, birds, sirens, dogs barking and the leaves blowing around with trash in the wind. It was beautiful. Don't take anything for granted and when you're freaking out and don't know what to do; stop and breathe. You'll realize it's all just small things and then deal and move on. Life is so amazing and when I get back to the states every person I see is getting a huge hug! Not everyone... maybe I should stick to people that I know.

Distracted

Television ruins everything. Constantly waiting for people to be lured into the false reality of true love. I believe in love and sometimes still believe there is someone out there for everyone. I just cannot wait to find the truth. Whatever it may be... My heart hurts, no matter what I do I have a hard time feeling anything that I used to. I feel like I'm on the brink of something. I don't know what it is. And I'm in a really strange emotional place. I feel like I've been changed so much that I don't know where I am in the real world. I can't control my thoughts any more. I don't know what to feel or who to trust. Growing up isn't the best, but it's important. It's necessary.

Searching

Lost in thought, I seem to worry. Run around, forever in hurry. Little moments in between, snowflakes, leaves, dew drops glean. Remind me of a simpler place, A place in fantasy I can't erase. Know the truth and look within, Tomorrow's adventure will soon begin.

Control

I can't save the world, I am not perfect. I can, however, make a difference. I spread myself too thin. Why? because I thought it's what I do. I realized now that it's more about what people don't do. There's a deficit of workers, there are more people concerned about their looks and their social ties than working hard to earn their worth or make a difference. In my generation, I'm a dying breed. A leader of all sorts just doing what I can. It's not enough though. I'm one man, standing on the notion that others will be the safety net. They won't though, not enough to stop the force of impact without hurting others. So I strive for more, I push myself and us my past as motivation. I slip up a lot, make mistakes, do things I shouldn't and waste time. Who doesn't? But I try not to waste YOUR time. I try to be there and do what's asked of me but sometimes it doesn't work out as planned. That's when you take a step back, reevaluate and try again. Perseverance doesn't fail you, even if you fail. For standing in the face of adversity is the true strength a person can thrive on. I work too hard on things I can't control. One day I'll slow down and mellow out. Until then, I'll continue to us my youth to do all I can, be goofy and try too hard at things that I laugh at myself for anyway. That's something that I miss though. Really laughing. I think that after these last few years I've just changed my perspective on things too much that my "funny bone" has been a little damaged. I want it back, I miss laughing at the most ridiculous things. It's slowly coming back, my real, full on, loud chipmunk laugh... Oh boy am I awkward. Thanks to Kalayla's pictures and some texts throughout the day(and social committee) I get some great laughs in. I'm working on a balance of life, school life and me. I'm closer than I've ever been to it and one day soon I'll reach it. Just in time to relax and study in London for a semester. Then it's time for the real world and life to become better than I have been and exceed my own expectations... Look out world... here I come. PS: Wine was consumed in the making of this message... really classy wine.

Life has a lot of ups and downs

People always say "it's like a roller coaster" implying bad things... funny thing is: I've always liked roller coasters.

It's not over yet...

This is the story of a girl. A long time ago, two school children met on the playground, they began playing with friends. Years down the road they had classes together, went to middle school together, friends birthday parties, dances, etc. High School separated them. Years passed as they grew up, shaped their adolescence and grew into early adulthood. The rite of passage all students take into the after-high-school stage threw these two schoolchildren into each others paths once again. The boy walked across campus, staring at the beige colored buildings, the bike racks, the light poles and the surrounding are of the College Classroom Building. Bewildered and amazed as a blast from the past came into view. He called out her name, shocked she didn't recognize him at first... then the reunion began over the course of a few months. A class together, going to dances/dinner, study dates and coffee ensued.

Fast forward through crying, Sonic Runs, baking fiascoes(I still don't use perfect measurements, concerts, adventures and shenanigans these two had grown into amazing individuals.

Here's where this short story should say "And they lived happily ever after" but it won't. This isn't any ordinary love story. I've known Kalayla since 2nd grade, in little Evanston, Wyo. From there to Houston, Boston and back we've become phenomenal leaders, amazing friends and loyal people to those around us. We were crutches, tissues, boxing bags, laughter and fun. We inspired peopls but most of all we inspired each others in so many ways. Today we had to part, she said "I don't know why I didn't think I'd have to say goodbye to you, I just thought you'd be going with me." I didn't know what it would feel like until that moment. When part of you has to move on and you need to let it. We've made it through tremendous, ridiculous things and we're still here. Crying in the parking lot, waiting to take the next step. We'll make it through. That doesn't mean my heart isn't sad that she's leaving. I'm going to miss you Kalayla. I love you so much and you will do so many amazing things! You're stronger than you think. It's not happily ever after, it's better than that. This story isn't over, and there are a lot more adventures to come :) -Not the End-