Equality Optional.

I sit here typing, trying to come up with something to say. Something meaningful, insightful, or just generally something worth writing. But I can't, after House Bill 74 made it through the Education Committee in the Capital I'm just left feeling more empty, more bitter, and completely undermined. It's like having my moment of clarity shattered into an abyss of torture, freezing then burning until I can't function. This is not the end of this battle, nor are we anywhere the end. Our day will come, the day of some equality, the achievement and recognition that I AM a human being. I deserve to be protected and I deserve to have what my heterosexually privileged counterparts have.

There's no reason to pass a bill banning recognition of marriages from other states. That was my last lifeline, my last hope for this state. I always thought, "At least I can get married in another state and come back to Wyoming if i wanted to." that shining ray of hope is being suffocated, into an abyss of bigotry.

Of all the things, of all times, this wasn't the outcome I needed. I was hoping for a little compassion, for the elected representatives to listen to the majority of their constituents but apparently 4vs.20-25 obviously means the other four are more important. I'm tired of being a second class citizen, I'm tired of being the outcast, the "Wyoming Gay", the kid from the place Matt Shepard was murdered. I want... to just be me. I want to fall in love, be madly in love, and marry the person who means more to me than the air I breathe, the ground I walk on, and lives every second of my future with me. I want the chance to make mistakes, have the options others do, and to no longer be afraid.

Yesterday I spoke out in front of a committee room of strangers, I didn't say as much as others, nor did I use the information they did. I talked about me. I hoped that seeing there really are gay citizens, constituents, and people in Wyoming. Real Human Beings standing up to speak for others who are too afraid. It's terrifying to be me, I'm always paranoid, I have an anxiety disorder, and I'm always over thinking things. I was terrified of this state, now I'm just ashamed, there's nothing to fear anymore because to this state I don't exist. I'm no one, nothing, and fading into a theocratic, good ole boys state. But I stood up, I said what I needed to say. I broke my internal fear, and hopefully impacted enough people to make a difference.

I... am... somebody. I exist, along with thousands of others. We're real and true, and we fight for what's right! not for what we personally stand for. My ancestors came to this country to escape persecution of difference, and here I am. Being persecuted, punished, for God creating me. This state is regressing to a place that they won't want to be in when the day comes that the nation realizes their bullshit. Wyoming was a leader of progression, a stepping stone into the "1st's" of many hurdles. Now they're alienating themselves from everything around them. Problem is... I can ignore snow as much as I want but it won't go away, I can wish for a million dollars and never get it, and ignoring the fact that LGBQT members of this state are being discriminated against will NOT go away. It will come back stronger and stronger until there's no other choice but acceptance.

I'm a lot stronger than this state thinks I am.

Breaking the Silence

I've dealt with a lot and I've had a few bumps in the road this year. I knew that my life has always been destined to have a extra incline uphill, it's nothing new to me. But this is a new attack, an attack on the home front, from people I've probably bumped into, and in my home county. A bill discriminating against gay marriage, once again. This didn't surprise me, but the urgency it's being pushed, with the potential of success, terrifies me. I'm going to speak, and address the committee tomorrow. Something I've never done, nor is it my strong suit. This is more important than a lot of other things in my life. There's not a lot of hope left in this state and this kills the little hope I thought was secured. Leave it to the "equality state" to push this bill, on MLK/Equality Day. I want to punch something, scream, or cry in anger and disappointment.

I'm gay, I'm from Wyoming and I cannot stand politics to the point that I'm only involved to be informed, because maybe, as small as I am in the crowd I may be heard. I may catch the attention of someone and they'll understand that there's no need for such bigotry, hatred, and complete lack of respect for humanity.

I respect others, even those who chose to hate me, and others like me. Last time I checked Human Rights meant all humans, not just the Privileged White Wyoming Christians. I have always been weary of Wyoming's outlook and now it's taking a turn for the worst.

I can't even imagine the amount of hate it takes to introduce bias theocracy into law. There's no place of laws like this. I hope the outcome is the desired benefit of all, not just a single group. I pray, to the same God they do, but I ask for help, respect, and acceptance. Not hatred.

Here's the Exception to Wyoming, tomorrow, 4 Republican college kids are travelling with others to stand up for human rights, to stand for those who don't know what's going on, can't make it here, or are too afraid to step out and say what they want. Here's to all those in favor of what it means to love humanity.

The only thing I can offer is a voice, in the place of the silent. It's time to break that silence.