I am constantly reminded of things in my past, present and
future. The biggest thing I have come to
realize is that a lot of situation are so far beyond my control. What I am in control of is my reaction to
those things. I am in control of my happiness, my decisions, how I say things,
what I do with my day, and the people I keep in my life.
It is time for me to start being happy, nice, and myself
again. Lately, I have been in a very
negative, scary space. No longer will I
be influenced by things that make me feel less, I am not that person nor will I
let myself be.
I am in graduate school, with a GA, great people around me
in a lovely city and it is time I start taking advantage of that. I thought I had to figure myself out and
really I know a lot about myself. More
than I realized. I am tall, blonde,
smart, funny, naïve, awkward, a nerd, a student of life, a child of the modern
world, addicted to fiction, a day dreamer, emotional, loving, kind, harsh at
times but genuine, too hard on myself, a bad joke teller, I like to sing even
though I do not think I am good at it, I have a hard time taking compliments or
recognizing my own achievements, I am a hard worker, dedicated, special, unique
and even weird. I drink too much
caffeine, love fruit more than any other food group, I like the word crustacean,
I question the spelling of words when they are correct, water is my sanctuary
and I miss swimming, I want to be a better runner, I want to own/learn to
drive/dock/trailer a boat, the open ocean scares me, I secretly love when
people are taller than me, I love cupcakes, staying up late, chatting in the
dark, camping, kissing, hugging (even though I do not do this often), I love my
hair, my smile and my eyes, I miss writing, I love to laugh, listen to retro
things and have deep conversations without being judged, I love how my thoughts
connect even if others cannot see the connections my mind makes. I love
flowers, spring time, summer at the beach, volleyball, the smell of good
cologne, freshly showered skin, and even toothpaste. I love Italian food, traveling, trying new
things even though I sometimes need encouragement, culture and learning new
things. I want to learn a new language,
see Greece and Spain, travel to every continent by the time I am 50 years old
and I have a lot of goals. I want a PhD in Social Justice Education, to make
educational policy change, even be president of a well-run or soon to be well
run ;) university. I want to change the world.
In so many ways by the smallest of things. I struggle with how and am
learning every day. I continue to challenge my own way of thinking and how I
can grow as a person. I am daring, bold, cautious and calculated with a sense
for pushing the boundaries. I ramble, mumble sometimes, talk a lot and really
quickly, I hide my emotions, trust easily and am very guarded at times. I am
really bad at keeping secrets unless they are really important, I do not like
lying and I am very bad at it. I am forgetful, spread myself thin and wear
myself out. I love tattoos and art,
museums and learning, books and the smell of new carpet. Watermelons and fresh cut grass smell the
same to me. I love bubble gum and playgrounds, swings and flying kites, bubbles
and puns. Pens that write well, cursive and handwritten letters, photography
and light. The stars, campfires and the sounds of nature. I love not always
knowing the answer, teaching people, building forts and acting like a child.
Strawberries covered in chocolate, raspberries in cream, and homemade jam. I
like to bake, am bad at cooking great meals haha, I love to laugh at myself and
doodle whatever random images lie in my mind. I love how soft my skin and hair
are.
I love my humor, the ability to make others happy, changing my
style and knowing how many people in my life care about me. I love so much it
hurts at times. I love Disney and believe in true love. I know prince charming is out there, I also
know that I can be someone’s prince charming too. I know that I should not be afraid
of love and holding myself back is not good.
I love a lot about myself and need to be reminded of it here
and there. This is the challenge of 100
days (and beyond) of happiness.
Goals-
I want to unpack one more box by the end of the week.
Go for a long run at least once.
Cook one real meal.
Make one person laugh really hard.
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