wake up

There are a lot of thoughts that I've run through over and over again.  It took something from my past to break the glass wall surrounding my mind.  See, it's not my heart I was protecting this time.  My heart has been sealed away, locked into a box waiting for something else.  My mind is what I value most about myself.  My knowledge, ability to see what others can't and have the dreams that I have.  I guess protecting my mind means that letting new things in isn't part of the deal.  I was doing what I always do by hiding and running from myself that I forgot that maybe there is no end in sight.  Or at least not a good one.  I've moved and changed so much that I don't know is stable or not stable, where I'll be or what I'll be doing.
I lost what gives me life.  The light that sparks up in the morning and makes me excited to go and do something.  The people that used to give me life are so far away that it stretches the light so thin I can barely see it.  I know it's there and every now and then I can feel it on my face.  Like feeling the sunlight through a window in winter.  It's there, but stepping out into the cold hits you like a tidal wave in monsoon season.  The elements of nature can't be run from, so we prepare for them.  Warm clothes, an umbrella, even a bottle of sunscreen.
I'm basically a simple mess. I know I'm a mess and I don't know how to fix it but all I do know is that I'm figuring it out.  It took a guy who I thought was a friend, yelling at me and treating me like crap, to remind me of exactly what I don't want in life.  Doesn't matter what I do want or even what happens tomorrow because all I know is what happens today.
Today, I went to brunch with some friends and reminded me that I do have great people around me.  They're incredible and insightful, we have meaningful conversations and I feel a little less broken, a little less cracked at the seam.
A place is only as good as the people we keep in it.  So it's time to start making this place great.